With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
