At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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