bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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