just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
