Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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