Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to calm my uterus...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
