he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
