Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
