matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
