Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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