Welp...herpes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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