So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
