my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We left the knife in your bed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
