dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
