Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need water and some morals
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
