90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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