You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
