So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
