Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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