I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
