yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
