You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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