I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
