My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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