This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
