She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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