you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
