If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
