I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
