The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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