Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
