She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
