Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
