I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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