Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
