yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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