His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
