I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
