if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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