but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
