All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
