Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
