FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
