Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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