Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
