What a fucking waste of an outfit
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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