i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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