Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
