put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
