i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
