Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
