maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
